The Late Merge
A few weeks back, a good friend of mine tweeted about being stuck in traffic and being really pissed off by the “late mergers”, those evil drivers who drive by everyone patiently waiting in line and go right to the front of the line, jamming the nose of the car into the line. It made me laugh for a couple of reasons: The first is that I could picture the rage happening inside his head and the second is that I am one of those drivers.
I am a late merger.
I hate driving in traffic as a general rule, and it is a source of much angst for me. The waste of time is part of it, but most of it is that when I am in one lane it always seems like the other lanes are moving faster. In short, I am losing the race. Make no mistake that it is a race. Every stoplight is an opportunity to get in front of more cars. Every lane change either puts you ahead or behind based on the right decision at the right time. I think this is why I am a late merger.
I don’t understand why I would sit in a line that is a mile long when it’s clear that I can insert myself at the front of the line by just being willing to be a jerk. I have worked on this for so long that I almost consider it a form of personal art.
The art of the late merge goes something like this. I drive slowly in an adjacent lane, studying how cars are starting and stopping in the slow lane. I am looking way ahead for a truck or other vehicle that I know will not be able to start quickly from a dead stop. I cruise along, looking, waiting, and identifying two or three possible targets. As soon as I get close, I look for the smallest opening and step on the gas. I make the sharp turn right in front of the other car and then apply the necessary brakes to slot into the line. The easiest target is the tractor-trailer. They always start slowly, and it’s so simple. The problem is that other late mergers also compete heavily for these coveted spots, requiring me to step my game up. Identifying spots between passenger cars is much more difficult because cars have lots of late-merger haters and they see it as a personal insult when I cut in front of them and make life unfair. The last option is that I have to risk an accident and just start easing over into the cars next to me. Since I drive an old car and most people don’t, I know they will care much more about their car than I do about mine. It’s a risk I am willing to take to win.
I have never been in an accident, either as a late merger or any other way. I have been cussed at, honked at, flipped off, and despised by many, but I take comfort in knowing that I made it to my destination before all of those losers that sat in the line for 30 minutes. I won.
Are you a late merger, or a late merger hater?
