Having an Affair with an Ideal

Jess:  ”Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity.  It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.”

Harry: “Well that symptom is (having sex with) my wife.”

If you have seen the movie When Harry Met Sally you know the scene above.  Harry (Billy Crystal) and Jess (Bruno Kirby) are at a football game.  Harry is describing to Jess how his wife Helen has asked for a divorce.  It’s one of the more memorable scenes from the movie.  You can watch the full scene here (some adult language).

For many, there is a constant striving that lives within our core. It’s the motor that keeps us moving toward a better life.  For some, that better life is more money.  For others, it’s complete freedom.  Whatever our particular carrot is, we strive toward it with relentless energy.  We read books about it.  We go and listen to other people talk about it.  We know that, just like these other people have found, there is a pot of contentment gold sitting at the end of a rainbow somewhere. It’s healthy, or so we think.

We takes bits and pieces of everyone else’s ideal and mash it together to make our own.  We create this vision of the perfect life and spend our days and nights striving to achieve it.  Meanwhile, our other life, the real one, is flying by. We miss out on great moments because they don’t fit into the ideal life we envision. We have an affair with an ideal.

Extra-marital affairs happen for a number of reasons, but by and large it is because there is a belief that this new person will bring happiness that the person we are married to has not been able to deliver.  The same is true of affairs with the ideals we create in our mind.  We are sure that there is something better, if only (fill in your particular criteria here).

It’s fine to get inspiration from others, and to appreciate the choices others have made to create their life.  Unless, however, we are willing to make the same kinds of bold choices and listen only to the voice that is speaking to us from within, we are still just living someone else’s life.